We finished our home study a month or so ago and we were really looking forward to a local referral, but we’ve changed plans. Our hearts have always been passionate about international adoption, but we were hesitant to begin the process because we just do NOT have the money to pay the thousands upon thousands of dollars in fees that are required for international adoption. Last week, however, Sarah said she also felt that we should go with international adoption and I told her we didn’t have the money. She said, “Yes, but GOD does and if he wants us to adopt a child from another country, He will provide us with the money.”
I spoke with Chris about it. We’ve prayed about it. We are going to do it!
This evening we discussed how we can rearrange the house to accommodate two or three more children. I really believe we should adopt a sibling group and we have agreed all along to take a child who is a little older (as in not a baby or toddler) with special needs. Many people won’t adopt children over age 5 and they especially aren’t too keen on adoption children with special needs. It just breaks my heart that a child with a missing limb or some other relatively “simple” problem may end up dead, living on the streets, in slavery or in some other horrible situation simply because adoptive parents here wanted a “perfect” child. I can’t do that. We already know we want to bring these children into our home. I know I cannot deal with mental retardation, but we feel comfortable with physical difficulties as long as they aren’t too severe. In other words, we really are quite sure this is what God wants us to do and we are comfortable with it, but due to my own health issues, we also believe that it would be unwise to bring a child into our home who may need to be cared for indefinitely (the rest of his / her life).
You know, I’ve spent so much time during the past few years mourning the fact that we can’t have any more biological children. I always enjoyed every pregnancy and I have loved every minute of raising children. Well… ok, perhaps not EVERY moment, but mostly. : ) It may sound selfish to some people to say that I mourn the loss of children we were never able to have. It is not selfish at all. We just love children and I think it is horribly sad if you want children and cannot get pregnant – whether you have five or none. However, I also realize we are incredibly blessed to have five healthy children and I am thankful EVERY moment for them – yes EVERY moment. : )
I have to deal with so much pain now, but this doesn’t lessen my joy at being able to raise children. Nor does it lessen my desire to have more children. Part of the reason I know that it is finally time for us to adopt is because I am finally able to say that I am honestly thankful that I can’t have any more biological children. If I were pregnant or if we had a very young child, we would probably continue to put off adoption. Now we have not put it off any longer.
One strange thing about the way I feel about all this is almost funny. I know that God wants us to adopt and I believe that our children are out there somewhere already. Today I’ve actually spent much time crying for the pain that they must be going through. I cried for the pain that the parents must experience when they decide that adoption is a better option than trying to raise a child that they love so much. I really do believe most of these parents love the children, but they have to deal with health issues, extreme poverty, and other things of which we have no concept. I cried for the children who have lost parents or who will lose their parents. I also cried for the children who wonder every night when they go to sleep whether or not they will find a family. Many of them will die before they reach adulthood and many others will face a life of extreme poverty of which we have no comparison, slavery, prostitution, or living on the streets. It is so sad and I cannot comprehend the pain these children go through.
Please pray for our family as we try to raise money for the adoption. I have already begun gathering things up for sale and once we are established with an agency, I will request for a fund to be set up where people can donate directly to our children’s adoption fund. Also please remember to pray for the children – God already knows who they are.